Ever since I finished my rust-colored cloak, I’ve wanted to make a second, shorter one. It wasn’t till this fall that the fabric inspiration struck. When it did, I used the pattern from the book Costume Close-up, minus about ten inches of length, to make a second cloak over the course of two days.

I used a clearance wool blend I found online for $7/yard. The lining is my old favorite, shot cotton. I pieced the lining (mainly because I cut the lining for the hood too short). I prick stitched the lining in so that that the two layers of the cloak would move as one, something I didn’t do on the last cloak. I omitted the hand slits. With the shorter length, they didn’t seem necessary.

So in two paragraphs, I just told you everything you need to know about the cloak. So we’re going to talk about something else while I show you the pictures.

Today is Tuesday, but it FEELS like a Monday, if you know what I mean. I totally overdid it this weekend: all good things, it was just too much. This week started with my feeling snapped like a twig.I’ve had trouble functioning during the day, dealing with messes, coping with the regular rambunctiousness of my kids. Clutter? GAH. And naturally, my house is full of clutter and rambunctiousness, so I spent a lot of time working really hard to behave Like A Grown Up.

This morning I was trying to get up. I was dreading the day, and I was on my phone. I saw an email from a woman who is on the autism spectrum, late diagnosed. She writes about evangelical faith, deconstruction, and autism.

I clicked the link to send me to the quiz to find out if you might be on the spectrum.

You could tell me I pathologize my own behavior and feelings a little too much. Maybe it’s my version of hypochondria, and I would probably agree to being an overthinker. But despite being very sensitive to my own feelings and those of others, I have a great deal of trouble remembering and reading faces. I stress mightily in social situations and often completely shut down in situations where small talk is required or there are lots of options and a decision must be made. Social interactions usually require serious recovery.I took the quiz and got a 37. According to the explanation of results: “79.3% of autistic people score 32 or higher (whereas only 2% of controls do), so scores of 32 and above are particularly significant. The AQ is particularly sensitive in distinguishing between autistic and non-autistic adult females, as 92.3% of autistic females scored 32 or higher (compared to 1% of the control group).”

I’m aware of the dangers of self-diagnosing oneself online. I also know, for women especially, who don’t feel heard by their primary care providers but know something is wrong and they can’t always put their finger on it – sometimes online is the only place you can go where there are people who can help you.I’m currently on my second antidepressant. It gives me headaches and I’m not convinced it’s helping very much with my mental health. Maybe it turned the anxiety down a bit. The whole reason I went on antidepressants in the first place is it’s so hard to function a lot of the time, but autumn is the absolute worst. After the last fall without antidepressants, 2020, I said NEVER AGAIN. And here I am, wallowing again, despite cranking up my dosage and then switching meds completely.

I’m also feeling overwhelmed and in pain too much of the time for it to feel normal. Quality of life is not meeting my expectations.Maybe I’m on the spectrum. Maybe my antidepressants aren’t helping. Maybe it’s a little of both. I’m feeling a bit sad today just trying to digest how I feel without having any real answers. I’ve been eating chocolate, but there’s a limit to how much that can help.

I do have a lovely, moody cloak, and I wore it to walk in the woods with a friend, which might be my favorite pastime.

My thanks to my friend Anna for taking the photos! We did a lovely costumed walk together over the weekend at Stanley Park in Massachusetts. More info about the bedgown here. Purple stockings found on Etsy. My shoes are Loints. They aren’t historical, but they are very comfortable and not too obviously modern. The basket was a curb freebie. My petticoat is the one I made for my daughter a couple of years ago. I didn’t plan to wear it but I was dressing in a hurry and forgot to put a second petticoat on top of it. There’s nothing wrong with it, but it’s the same fabric as the lining of my cloak and that was a little more matchy than I was going for. The hat is from Burnley and Trowbridge. I trimmed it with satin ribbon.