Archive shame - What The Red Herring
Am I Woke?

Am I Woke?

Woke: as a political term of African-American origin refers to a perceived awareness of issues concerning social justice and racial justice. It is derived from the African-American Vernacular English expression “stay woke“, whose grammatical aspect refers to a continuing awareness of these issues. (source: Wikipedia).

Even if you know what “woke” means, you may still wonder if YOU are woke. And with current events, you may be feeling guilty and confused and wanting to be woke, and not sure how to make it happen.

Deep breath.

The beauty of this idea is the part where it is a “continuing awareness.”

Scandalous

Scandalous

I’ll talk about the book pictured above in a minute, but can we first talk about how it’s also a photo of a housewife reading a tawdry romance novel?

One of the hunks I’ve bitten off in the past year is shame. I want to look at how it’s showing up and how I’m dealing with it. One of the most recent examples is that I went from reading mostly historical fiction for much of my adult life, to this year reading a LOT of nonfiction, especially spirituality books.

I wasn’t giving myself a break from this type of reading and was feeling overwhelmed with my reading list and also a little burnt out. When I gave romance a try this spring as a way of giving my brain a break from the nonfiction, I felt a certain amount of shame.

An Extraordinary Union

An Extraordinary Union

An Extraordinary Union: A Novel of the Civil War, by Alyssa Cole, is an intersectional work: historical fiction, romance, and Black History, all in one place. Bonus? It’s also written by a woman of color.

Physician, Heal Thyself

Physician, Heal Thyself

Where do you shop for clothes? How often do you shop? Is it medicinal, or is because you have an identifiable need? Do you shop ethically?

I’m a medicinal shopper. I’ve historically been pretty good at making it seem at least part of the time like it’s an identifiable need, but usually, it’s just because I’m stressed out and looking for a way to control my environment.

As a lady in my Late Thirties, I’ve become a bit of a snob with my shopping. I don’t remember how I discovered Anthropologie, but their quirky, European-inspired, artsy offerings appealed to me immediately. I had realized the cheaply made, fleeting styles of third party sellers on Amazon were often disappointing.

I started with Anthropologie’s hand towels. On sale, they are often around $10-14. Which is pretty expensive for a kitchen towel, but these aren’t your average kitchen towel.

Superiority, 3 a.m.

Superiority, 3 a.m.

Recently I was talking to another mom at an event and she was telling me a little about her teenage son. I said something in response to what she told me that indicated that I wasn’t quite as involved in my son’s personal life as she was in hers. In that moment I realized we were both judging each other.

I was judging her for letting her son date at such a young age. I was judging her for judging her son’s girlfriend for not being Good Enough for him. She was judging me for my lack of involvement in my son’s life and my not getting up in his phone frequently enough. And judging her son’s (now ex-) girl for growing up in an unstable household without adequate support, leading to emotional issues and self harming behaviors.

She said the girl would call her son at 3 a.m. because her parents were fighting and she didn’t know what to do.

My kids could have done that this year. Called someone in the middle of the night because his parents were fighting again and he didn’t know what to do.