Between staying home and wearing masks, no one in our house has been sick since that dimly remembered time in the winter of 2019. No stomach bugs, no colds, and I haven’t missed it. Some of my most memorable parenting moments involve cleaning up after sick kids. Not this year! We were often anxious, but we were not sick.
Every once in a while over the past year, I’d take out the camera and take one or two photos of something because I felt like I needed to – a birthday, a book cover for a post, or a quick selfie with the baby because he is my last child and once he is grown there ARE NO MORE. But most of the photos weren’t very good because the apathy was just too thick and I didn’t take enough pictures to get a good one.
Healthcare is highly specialized these days. As a healthcare worker, I get why. I work in a highly specialized field. If you have something wrong with your brain or nervous system, we are your people.
If you have a gaping wound on another part of your body, if your endocrine system is off-kilter, or your heart occasionally breaks into a gallop or takes up interpretive dance – then, we have to call in OTHER specialists to deal with those issues.
The benefit of this is that the specialists are really good at knowing what to do with these isolated issues, but I’m never sure if any one of them sees the entire person in front of them.
I’m not sure if anyone has ever seen all of me.
Last week was really terrible. My response to almost every situation was tears. I was miserable. One day, I went for a walk alone to the library and passed a house that had been decorated for Mardi Gras. Mardi Gras! The green, yellow, and purple decorations were festive and beautiful. Seeing it made me happy.
Over the weekend, things got better gradually. On Sunday night, I went out and bought supplies for Carnival masks. I thought to myself, that was it. I’m over (or through?) the pandemic wall. I’ve done enough grieving about not traveling this year. There’s no school this week. Things are going to be great. I’ll make a short to-do list and be kind to myself about it. I’ll be less stressed because I won’t be doing school with the kids in addition to feeding, supervising, and managing my household. Maybe I’ll want to craft again!
Many times during the pandemic, it’s felt like my hold on reality was tenuous. My body has been hurting, and it keeps getting worse. My brain was overloaded with the daily onslaught of requests. It is literally burning right now, right around its outer membrane.
After a particularly hard week, with major parenting struggles in addition to the regular parenting demands, I was teetering on the edge of not being able to cope when I walked into my new rheumatologist’s office.
