When you come in to work a shift at the hospital, you always know who the senior nurse in the room is. It’s the person who has worked on the floor the longest – the person who’s the most experienced. You identify that person early on so if things go south, you’ll know who to look to.

It’s the person you want to ask if you have a question or a problem to solve. It’s the person who will offer to pass meds on one of your patients if you’re having a crazy night. Someone who will get up and just start helping you before you even ask.

Last night, that was me.

Let’s back up. Earlier this week, I was looking toward this weekend with dread. I have a flexible schedule and can usually make sure my work weekends don’t overlap with other commitments. At this time of year, though, it’s hard to make sure there is nothing happening the weekend I work.

This weekend, it felt like EVERYTHING was happening. We had back-to-back activities, with my night shift sandwiched in the middle. I was pie-eyed just thinking about how I would get through it. The Chaplain and I had a moment of prayer on Wednesday where we asked God to come up with a solution we hadn’t even thought of to help things go smoothly this weekend.

And he did.

There were actually a few things that happened that felt divinely inspired, but our most specific answer to prayer happened when I arrived at work. The nurse who was giving me report told me I had an orient. “I hope you don’t mind.” Since I work part-time, I don’t get assigned orients. I only have them when their primary nurse preceptor isn’t available. It had been years since that happened. This time, my orient had been sick earlier in the week and had hours to make up.

Orienting can be many things, from babysitting to basic oversight.

The nurse I was orienting was on the last day of orientation and was basically handling the assignment by herself.

The other two nurses in the room were a new nurse who was just off orientation, and a float nurse. That left me as the senior nurse.

I checked things in my orient’s assignment and watched her do an assess, asked questions, and helped where I was needed. I verified drips, did med passes, and helped solve problems with different nurses in the room. I provided a friendly reminder about plans of care and updating labs in the computer so that phlebotomy would actually show up (hopefully).

Since I wasn’t in assignment the first half of the night, I was free to be a resource to the other nurses in the room. It was wonderful. I was able to get my head up and be a help. By the time my orient headed home at 3:30 a.m., leaving me with the assignment, things were well under control and I was able to continue being a resource to my coworkers for the rest of the night.

In my part-time position, I can often feel like the bottom person on the totem pole. The rapid rate of change, especially the role of technology in healthcare and the adoption of new software & equipment, and the constant rearranging of supplies means that some nights, it feels like I don’t know how to do anything or find anything. I know how to take care of my patients, but some tasks take longer or I find out I’m doing something “the old way.” Bedside care has remained basically the same, but almost everything else is completely different.

Last night, I knew the answers to the questions I was asked. I knew where to find what we were looking for. I knew what I was doing.

Sometimes all it takes is having the position of authority to take the authority and own it. I’ve found myself often deferring to another nurse in other settings. Since I didn’t have anyone senior to defer to, I had to trust my own knowledge and instincts, and they didn’t fail me.

It’s true in many areas of life: it’s hard to own something like a boss unless you’re forced to. I’m glad I was forced to do it last night. I enjoyed the confidence it brought. It was fun to reminisce about the psychological torture of nursing school with folks who are fresh out of the gate. It felt good to know what I was doing and share my knowledge and skills with others. I hope I can keep that sense of confidence even when I’m not the oldest pony in the shed.

(To their credit, the young nurses expressed shock that I had been a nurse for 11 years. Hopefully they weren’t faking it.)