I’m tired of having to choose what to do with my limited resources. I’m spending a lot of time cleaning and fixing things, because it’s satisfying and doesn’t require me to be very creative.

A hole mended, a hinge repaired, a pile of crumbs vacuumed, does not a blog post make. I didn’t even realize I hadn’t posted for all of February until the month was over.

My kids spent winter break teaching themselves how to knit. I’ve wanted to learn how to knit for a while now, but I don’t have the bandwidth at the moment. I want to make a sweater with 3/4 length sleeves or a fun, multicolored pair of socks. I don’t want to make all the ugly mistakes that have to come first. I don’t want to have to make all the decisions involved in choosing knitting needles and yarn.

It was much simpler for the kids. We went to the craft store, and bought some yarn and knitting needles. There was no concern about what was the best or right kind, they just picked out what they liked. In fact, we went to buy yarn for a different project, and they didn’t even think about knitting till they saw a display of knitting needles near the yarn.

At home, the kids settled in front of YouTube and learned how to cast on. Each day, their knitting looked better. By day three, they were making scarves and requesting knitting books from the library, using pencils and chopsticks when their original pair of knitting needles was tied up with an unfinished project.

Now, they are often knitting, or talking about knitting. One of them is explaining what to do about a dropped stitch, and telling me the difference between a knit and a purl. One is telling another how during a spelling exercise, they do three stitches, write a word, and do another three stitches. One knits with a paper and pencil close by for counting stitches. One is making a list of future projects and asking, please, do I have ANY more yarn they can have?

I admire their productivity and the way they have time (and a lack of hangups or distractions) to spend hours mastering a new skill.

Watching them reminded me of the moment at my psychedelic retreat after the mushrooms when we asked each other what was holding us back, and in a rush of wonder, I said nothing, nothing was holding me back!

If nothing was holding me back then, nothing is holding me back now. Yet I’m still living life, especially my creative life, as if I have limitations.

My energy level is a real barrier. However, most of my other “limitations” are not real limits, they are manufactured ones. Often, they are simply deeply ingrained habits.

I watched my kids methodically trouble shoot their knitting, starting from early lumpy, misshapen attempts to increasingly functional and visually pleasing objects.

We adults have real adult responsibilities that kids aren’t bogged down with. Even if I was childless, I likely wouldn’t have three days in a row to spend all my waking hours knitting until I mastered it, which is what my kids did.

Even so, there is something appealing about the way they took on learning. There was frustration and fear at the beginning, but once they pushed through that, they achieved a level of mastery that kept them cruising as they acquired their new skill.

It has me thinking about one thing that adults and kids alike have the ability to do: take the first step, and then just keep going, even when things are lumpy, ugly, and a bit tangled.

It can take a while to feel like we’re making progress. With knitting, at least, one can unravel yarn and just keep redoing it until it’s right. If we’re being honest, most of life’s creative endeavors offer some type of do-over, if we’re willing.

I’m slogging through my own current project (too many days, this consists of me moving my supplies from one room to the next as I go about my day, without actually doing any work on it). I eye the finished projects hanging in the closet, not yet photographed (if I haven’t taken a photo yet, do they even exist?). As I do, I’m looking to my kids for creative inspiration – both with their persistence and fearlessness.It’s an invitation to all of us, in the face of doubt, to be bold and courageous in our art. Perhaps, a little less focused on the outcome. A bit less judgemental of our early efforts. It’s definitely easier said than done, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t worth pursuing.