I was called off of work for the second weekend in a row tonight. I had signed up for an extra shift to fill in an empty spot on my floor – to make up for the missed shift last weekend, and to give me some sense of meaning after a long week at home with the kids.

Today was particularly difficult. The news has gotten progressively worse as the week has gone on. Every afternoon when the Chaplain gets home from work, I go for a walk to burn off the tension of a day spent with stir crazy kids. I cross the street, or step out into the street, or hike up onto the grass to get my six feet of distance from the other people who are out. Sometimes, if I have it in me, I’ll smile and wave. Sometimes I just grimly walk on without making eye contact.

Today I heard that the medication I take for my rheumatoid arthritis might possibly end up being used as treatment for coronavirus. Initially, I didn’t even know if this was more misinformation being handed down by the president.  In a few weeks or months, would I have difficulty getting my hands on a medication that has completely changed my life for the better this year? I was out of refills and had just gotten a new script from my doctor, but until now was in no rush to fill it because I still had several weeks’ worth left. When I told him my concern, the Chaplain went straight to the pharmacy and picked up my meds so that there wouldn’t be a question of having them.

Then, I saw the #millionmaskchallenge hashtag. I honestly thought it was a hoax at first. Unfortunately, it’s not. Asking crafters and sewists to provide health care equipment to hospitals seems positively medieval. I’m a nurse. I sew. Do I have to be the health care worker AND the person at home sewing the masks? Do I have the strength?

For tonight, I got to kick the can a little further down the road. I WANT to be at the hospital, doing my job. I want to be able to see and talk to my coworkers and get a sense of what’s going on. Normally during a big event, my hospital drives me crazy with calls and text updates; this time, it’s been radio silence.

I’ll try to take good care of myself and save my energy for when they do need me. Maybe before my next shift, I’ll make some masks so if it comes to that, I’ll be ready.

The scrubs pictured were supposed to be my uniform tonight. I made the scrub top from a craft store pattern my first year as a nurse. This year, I used the waistband from the #arenitepants pattern to make my low-rise scrub pants, which are probably as old as the  scrub top, more comfortable and functional. Now I no longer have to worry about looking like a plumber when I’m bent over at work. The ritual of wearing handmade clothes at work makes me feel well taken care of. I never imagined I’d be wearing a handmade facemask, but that day may come sooner than I think.