I’ve found tremendous relief in the fact that it is no longer considered scientifically sound to lump men and women into one muddy pot where everyone is human, but just barely. There were two problems with that for me. One, men and women ARE different. And two, when we generalize, men usually win. And when women lose, everyone loses.

So today I want to talk about two of the many books I’ve picked up recently as I have made improving my marriage my job. The Female Brain, and The Male Brain, both by Louann Brizendine, M.D. I didn’t expect to learn so much about relating to other human beings, or that it would change the way I think about my kids.

After I read Atul Gawande’s Being Mortal, I told my husband, “Everyone who is going to die should read this book.” It took him a couple of years to get to it, but when he read it, he told me he now understood what I meant when I said that, and agreed with me. Similarly, if you are a woman or a man, and know other women or men, whether by friendship, childbirth, marriage, or otherwise, you should read both of these books.

These books are unashamedly science-driven – you will be wading through the names of some intimidating hormones at times. But there is pronunciation help, and it is absolutely worth it. The writing is also enjoyable. The author asks us to picture a brain being marinated in hormones, and describes the way we are attracted to someone based on their pheromones without knowing it.

I easily get bogged down while reading when there is a character or concept brought up that will be referred to again, if I can’t flip back and re-read its initial description. These books start with some helpful visuals. The Female Brain begins with a glossary of hormones. There are lots of anecdotes to illustrate the concepts. I never felt I was getting lost in an avalanche of information. And it was all very interesting.

I found greater acceptance of the person I am and understanding what makes me, me. It is normal for women to be different people different days of their cycle. It isn’t typically viewed as a good thing. Now, I understand the biological roots of the changes, and that the hormones flowing through us actually change our brains and consequently, the way we view the world. To know that it isn’t just that sometimes you feel like you’re going crazy? That was both a comfort and a revelation for me.

Each book has a chapter on the teen brain which helped me understand my own experience as a teen, and also prepared me and informed my parenting of my own kids.

The books examine the developing fetal brain, the brains of children, teens, and adults, as well as the mature adult. They visit gender specific differences in the experience of sex, emotion, and parenting (including a section on postpartum depression, which could have been a little longer). They also look to the future and identify areas that might be of interest in study, like continued research into hormone therapy for post-menopausal women, changing stereotypes based on current science, and some thoughts on sexual orientation.

The books look a little long, but due to the nature of the content, the works cited section at the back is close to a third of the total page volume. Don’t be put off by their size! Also, because of the way the chapters are broken up,  you can easily skip to the pages you are most curious about… which is what I did at first, because my to-read list was so intimidating, I didn’t know if I’d have time to read all of both of these. As it turns out, the part I read was so good, I ended up going back to the beginning and reading it through,  requesting the other book, and the rest is history. *smile*

I have always enjoyed throwing a little nonfiction reading into my pleasure reads, and these were so good I wanted to buy a copy and re-read them, although for now I am going to stick with hanging on to my library copies until I can’t renew them anymore.

For those of you who were thinking as you read this, what is that amazingly luminous fabric she used as a background in that photo? (No? Just me?) Well, it’s shot cotton and it’s amazing. Two colors woven together (in this case, red and orange) to make this incredibly rich color.

Also, these are just two books out of an enormous pile of marriage, gender, sex, intimacy, and relationship books I’ve been reading lately. I’m hoping to feature the best of the books here on the blog as I make my way through them.