My dad is a lean, mean, packing machine, and I like to think I got those genes from him. I get a kick out of planning and packing efficiently, and love arriving at a location when everything I need and nothing more.

I also struggle with self doubt and the tendency to want be over-prepared.

Cylon and I have been doing our big trip to Tobago since about a year and a half after we got married. This summer we’ll have been married for 12 years. We have agreed that we can’t remember how many times we have made the trip, but are pretty sure this is #9.

I mentioned in my post about packing for travel with kids that I have lists detailing what each person in the family needs for the trip. I edit and hone them every time we come down.

The lists only work when I use them.

That’s where the self doubt comes in. I made the list based on personal experience, while we were on location. Why can’t I just follow it?

Because New York me doesn’t believe Tobago me knows what I’m talking about.

This is where this becomes more than just packing for a trip.

How many times has it happened to you?

You have a terrible customer service experience because you didn’t save the documents you needed to give them the right info to help you.

You determine to make changes in your relationship with your adult sibling, parent, or spouse because you recognize there are unhealthy patterns. You channel the hurt that you’re feeling right after another incident. You determine you won’t do what you did last time to get into that situation. And then some time passes, the hurt fades a little, and you let it happen again.

You have the burrito even though intellectually you know that you’ll pay for later.

You do things the old way because you tell yourself it wouldn’t have made a huge difference to change, or the instant gratification will be worth the cost you had been sure you wanted to avoid. You start thinking about excuses for doing things based on the way you feel right now.

I’m going to come back to the packing now. Here’s a screen shot of part of my list.

Do you see the caps? Why would I need caps? I wrote a list of things to pull out of my drawers and closet and put in a duffel bag. Yet every year we go, I have an internal fight over what is on that list.

Are t-shirts really too hot? They’re short sleeved, for goodness sake.

Surely, I think, I will need more than one pair of pants. What if the pair of pants I want to wear on the flight doesn’t work for going out? Well, the answer is, it needs to work. And yes, for me, t-shirts are too hot when we’re here.

But that isn’t how I’m thinking when I’m not there.

All the caps on that list have been added over time as I tweaked certain parts of the list while continuing to doubt myself on the fundamental stuff that wasn’t changing.

Why is it so hard to continue to feel sure about anything? I know what I believe.

I brought two pairs of pants this year. I only needed one.

I trust my self confidence will continue to grow so that packing stuff I already knew I didn’t need will happen less often in the future.

I trust that the lessens I’m learning about packing will translate into other areas, like my faith.

I already know trusting feelings to help you make choices that matter to you is a foolish way to go. Those feelings are why I over-pack if I’m not careful.

It could have much bigger consequences in other areas of my life if I let it, which is why I will keep fighting to get rid of the doubt.