It was a little weird for Ash Wednesday and Valentine’s Day to fall on the same date this year.
I didn’t grow up observing Lent. Well, I did, but not the way I look at it now. We never talked about giving anything up for Lent at my house. We went every Tuesday during Lent to one of the 6 or so churches in my tiny village, and learned how other people worshiped God. In college, I had friends who observed Lent, but they always gave up things like chocolate, or chapstick, and I didn’t really get it.
As a Catholic by marriage and an adult, Lent looks a little different now. I take my kids to Ash Wednesday prayer. I seriously consider what to commit to or give up during Lent. One year right after having a baby, I committed to exercising every day. Another year I gave up Facebook, and it was wonderful. It may have been the taste of freedom that allowed me to give it up for good.
This year, as I continue through this season of feeling inadequate and overwhelmed too much of the time, I didn’t know what I could do for Lent that I could actually commit to and that would have the desired result – to draw me closer to God.
I was a young single mom with a four month old baby the first time I met my future husband. To his eternal chagrin, he doesn’t remember. We met at one of my good friend’s parents’ house for Easter dinner. We sat across from one another during the meal. At some point during the day, he showed me a photo of his girlfriend, but I don’t think we talked much.
I remember hearing him discuss philosophy with my friend’s dad in the next room later on. I liked the sound of his voice.
Three years later, my friend was getting married to his good friend, and we were both invited.
About 13 years ago on New Year’s Eve, after a difficult 16 months at a job I hated, I quit. That night, an unseasonably warm one in the 60’s, I went with a friend to Times Square for New Year’s.
We got there in the early evening. The crowds prevented us from getting close to the ball. It was barely visible from where we stood, crushed in the pack of people, breathing in the cool air, completely exhilarated. I felt such a freedom from the heavy weight of the job I had given up. The energy in the city was incredible.
Resentment tends to build, and it lingers. We often to think of it as a feeling we have towards others.
A game changer for me this year was realizing that resentment isn’t a feeling toward anyone. It’s just something I’m experiencing.
This morning I was awake and downstairs by 6:30 a.m., listening to Pentatonix Christmas and making lasagna.
It is a bit of a heavy burden I put on myself to make Christmas amazing, because I remember how amazing it was for me as a kid. My mom put up decorations every year. There were Christmas cookies and caroling, and hot chocolate in the church basement afterward that would melt the plastic spoons we used to stir the cocoa with.
Dad always took the kids to get a tree, and we would choose the biggest one we could get away with. When we got home and put it up, we would watch with glee as someone cut the net off of the tree and its branches bounced down to take up a quarter of our living room. We would all shrug and grin and tell Mom the tree hadn’t looked that big at the tree farm.
