When I was a kid, I wasn’t allowed to have a Barbie. She had a disproportionate, over-sexualized body, and she wasn’t welcome at our house. My mom always said I could have a Barbie when I was 12; we both knew I wouldn’t want one anymore by then.
I played with my friends’ Barbies whenever I had the chance, bringing over my brother’s GI Joe doll to act as a rugged stand-in for Ken in our make-believe play.
At my grandma’s house, there was a collection of old Barbies that fascinated me in a way the ones my friends had did not.
For years, I got my hair cut at Walmart. I was too cheap to pay anyone more than $20 (with tax and tip) for a cut. Between small kids and my inability to justify self-care to myself, I didn’t get my hair trimmed often enough. When I did make the trip, it was typically an act of desperation.
When you don’t pay for a good haircut, you don’t get a good haircut. I would walk away with something that was only a shadow of what I really wanted – I went hoping for something low maintenance, fun, a little edgy. And finally, I got sick of going to the hairdresser only to come home feeling frustrated by the results.
So I started using our buzzer to cut my own hair.
When I was pregnant with Seven, I went to the chiropractor regularly. It started before he was born.
I have a lot of responsibilities. Some might say, more responsibilities than I am capable of keeping up with. So in order to get a break, sometimes my body just quits working. This can look like a head cold, a stomach bug, or a sudden, unexpected nap. In this case, I tried to lift my head off of my pillow one Monday morning and it felt like something in my neck had snapped.
This weekend, I lived an introverted homebody’s nightmare: I went to the Bronx Zoo on a beautiful holiday weekend with six kids, and I went to the mall afterward to get new shoes for Two, who is the most indecisive shoe shopper I have ever met. Perhaps that’s one reason why she has only one pair of shoes.
Many times, I get so caught up in needing everything to be just right before I get started, that I never actually do anything meaningful.
One of the things we did at our marriage intensive was learn the Care Cycle. The idea is, you are in charge of you. When you are feeling upset, triggered, or stressed, you should do a little self care before looking to others for help.
I took the diagram they made for us and made a simple printable with a blank spot for adding personalized info to the “care package” section – those are the actions you can take to feel better. 
I made them for all the people in our family who are potentially aware enough to use it, although we haven’t finished filling everyone’s out yet.
I find that small kids meet their own needs pretty well. 
