Pictured above, the scene of the crime. We don’t co-sleep with the baby, but I added him to make the scene feel less threatening.
Towards the end of this past summer, I got a weighted blanket. It was around the same time I saw that guy with the weighted vest and wondered why anyone would add to the weight they were carrying, metaphorically OR physically. But anxiety was kicking my butt and I was exhausted at night, but often crawling up the walls.
If you’re familiar with weighted blankets, you’ll know they aren’t cheap, which is why I had one on my wish list for a very long time before clicking purchase. They differ from comforters and duvets – they are smaller and come in a range of weights. There is info online to help you calculate how much weight you need depending on your size.
I went whole hog with a 20-pound blanket. I thought I would get the full size, which would just cover the top of our queen mattress with no overhang, and that the Chaplain and I could share it.
She’s ten today.
This is the kid who made me breakfast this past week without being asked.
Who cares for her baby brother without a second thought, a special bond they’ve had since his birth.
She is a graceful dancer, a thoughtful and caring person. 
When things going smoothly at home, it’s often related to her – an idea she had to keep everyone occupied, or because she helped prepare a meal or snack. She is one of just a couple kids in our house who cleans up without being asked, and is a quiet and capable helper.
This is a kid who needs her alone time and often retreats to her room to play or read.
She’s expressive. She’s the one who often best knows how to read people, intuiting what they want or need.
She’s grown up this year, gaining maturity and starting to look and act like a Big Kid. Really, she’s the one who made us a Big Family and put us out of our depth in the first place, then helped us realize that we could, in fact, do this. She continues to be the grease on the wheels, the quiet force that keeps things moving.
We love her so much.
800+
That is the number of photos I have that haven’t been edited from the period leading up to our vacation and the vacation itself.
3 miles.
That’s how far I walked yesterday evening on a snowy bike trail by the Mohawk River, listening to contemplative music and hoping for answers.
2 weeks.
That’s how long we were in Tobago, having a time that was truly transcendent.
1 simple command.
That’s what I heard from God yesterday. The words provided me with my intention for Lent.
Zero.
That’s the number of words I have ready to publish about our trip.
The trip feels like a fantastic dream. The longer I wait to document it, the more it fades from memory. I glance back at the magic, then turn forward to Lent, a period of repentance and waiting.
Life feels like the bare branches of the landscape, occasionally catching the sunlight in a way that shows the ugliness to be beautiful. Summer is a quiet, hopeful memory.
Here’s my Pandora playlist for Lent. My intention is to let women speak wisdom into my life during this wait for Easter. The above photo is one I took on my walk. And appropriately, I realized after I clicked publish that this “numbers edition” is the 200th post on the blog.
Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. James 1:22
For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. Ephesians 2:8-9
Ah. Christians and the tension we exist in, between these two verses.
We tell a double story about sin in the church. You sin because of Adam and Eve. When you sin, there are consequences for it. Parent your kids harshly? There will be a cost. Demonstrate unfaithfulness, selfishness, or pride? At some point, it will catch up to you in some way, big or small.
At the same time, we proclaim that by grace we have been saved through faith and not by our works so that no man can boast (Ephesians 2:8-9). God wants us to know that we weren’t reconciled by anything we’re capable of achieving on our own.
We have victory over sin, but we’re going to keep sinning and dealing with the consequences of that sin.
So where does that leave us?
