With everyone home together even more often than usual this past year, we have all struggled to manage our feelings. Fittingly, I’ve tuned this year’s homeschool health curriculum to focus on emotional regulation.
Last year on this day, our family celebrated the birthday of our second daughter. She had submitted a detailed list of what she wanted ahead of time. Among other things, she wanted a party.
We’d just gotten back from our trip to Tobago. We were exhausted. Our state had just gone into lockdown. Like most of the country, we were utterly frozen. I hate birthday parties, and would have taken ANY excuse not to have one: The pandemic was an easy, universal, and necessary NO to nearly every social engagement.
I’m easily overstimulated. It only takes a few variables to leave me close to a meltdown. In the worst case scenarios, I’m essentially blind and deaf – my vision and hearing literally shut down when I can’t take it anymore. Equations like:
loud music + 2 kids talking to me at the same time + being tired
OR
hunger + someone talking to me + trying to execute a left-hand turn
These can easily equal tunnel vision, no vision, or a brief loss of hearing. This has happened while driving and in social situations and it is terrifying.
After reading several books with protagonists who were on the Autism Spectrum, I started to wonder if maybe I was on one end of that, but it didn’t quite feel right. I don’t think it’s that I experience the world that differently from other people, I experience it MORE and LOUDER.
I don’t remember how I came across the books written by Elaine N. Aron, Ph.D., about highly sensitive people. There are a number to choose from, but I went for The Highly Sensitive Parent: Be Brilliant In Your Role, Even When The World Overwhelms You, which I then kept for way past its due date at the library.
This past week, I met with a mediation coach to talk about how I can be a better communicator, specifically in regards to my family relationships.
The two-hour virtual meeting was exhausting, but I came away with some new tools to practice. I can’t figure out why we don’t teach these skills to everyone while they’re in school.
I’m seeking out resources to begin honing my listening and conflict resolution skills. I’m bringing the kids along for the ride. They already practice their communication skills on each other every day, and maybe exposure to some new methods will reduce shouting and door slamming.
Last week was really terrible. My response to almost every situation was tears. I was miserable. One day, I went for a walk alone to the library and passed a house that had been decorated for Mardi Gras. Mardi Gras! The green, yellow, and purple decorations were festive and beautiful. Seeing it made me happy.
Over the weekend, things got better gradually. On Sunday night, I went out and bought supplies for Carnival masks. I thought to myself, that was it. I’m over (or through?) the pandemic wall. I’ve done enough grieving about not traveling this year. There’s no school this week. Things are going to be great. I’ll make a short to-do list and be kind to myself about it. I’ll be less stressed because I won’t be doing school with the kids in addition to feeding, supervising, and managing my household. Maybe I’ll want to craft again!
