For years, I got my hair cut at Walmart. I was too cheap to pay anyone more than $20 (with tax and tip) for a cut. Between small kids and my inability to justify self-care to myself, I didn’t get my hair trimmed often enough. When I did make the trip, it was typically an act of desperation.
When you don’t pay for a good haircut, you don’t get a good haircut. I would walk away with something that was only a shadow of what I really wanted – I went hoping for something low maintenance, fun, a little edgy. And finally, I got sick of going to the hairdresser only to come home feeling frustrated by the results.
So I started using our buzzer to cut my own hair.
The TLDR? Don’t take your journey when you’re stressed or in crisis.
When I heard about the Enneagram from a friend, I liked the idea right away. Like many people, I suspect, I like taking quizzes that tell me more about who I am. Even better if there are details, things I can really resonate with, and in this case, a compassionate narrative to walk alongside as you (re)discover your strengths and weaknesses.
One of the things we did at our marriage intensive was learn the Care Cycle. The idea is, you are in charge of you. When you are feeling upset, triggered, or stressed, you should do a little self care before looking to others for help.
I took the diagram they made for us and made a simple printable with a blank spot for adding personalized info to the “care package” section – those are the actions you can take to feel better. 
I made them for all the people in our family who are potentially aware enough to use it, although we haven’t finished filling everyone’s out yet.
I find that small kids meet their own needs pretty well. 
About a month ago, I watched War Room with my husband, mom, and three oldest kids. I didn’t know much going in other than that it had to do with prayer. It was tough to watch. I’ve felt the weight of spiritual warfare in our own house lately, and that is a big theme in the film.
One of the powerful effects of the movie was learning to think about the prayer closet as a literal thing. Sure, in the past people may have prayed in closets, and it’s even biblical. In the movie, it’s one of the central themes.
So when I came upstairs recently and found my daughter in her closet, asking me if I’d noticed what she was doing (I hadn’t), she stopped me dead in the middle of a rant when she showed me her prayer closet.
Last night, I lay awake in bed while my baby cried.
He’s at the tail end of a cold, and was actually less congested than when we’d put him to bed hours earlier, but he was having trouble staying settled. I fed him, my husband changed his diaper, I put chest rub on him, and gave him Tylenol. I held him while he flopped around restlessly, wanting to be asleep, but unable to wind back down.
Nothing worked. So we did something we haven’t done before with this particular baby. We put him in a room by himself, and let him cry himself to sleep.
