It was supposed to be a relaxing night of hanging out with the Chaplain. We’ve kept up with our evening walks. But after doing our four-mile route, I wasn’t settling down. We watched a show together. We ate ice cream. It got late.
We picked up our books, and began to read a few pages. I was still restless.
Then I read something in my book that caught my attention.
Today at lunch, I sat down with my lettuce wrap – strawberries, sunflower seeds, and the kind of fresh, CSA lettuce that my kids eat without dressing and then ask for seconds of – and I was going to watch another episode of Stranger Things.
If you’re familiar with the show, you’ll know why, after watching an episode yesterday, I decided I would take a break from it today. I love the 80’s vibe, but content is pretty intense. The Billy character is the spitting image, down to the red lips, wide blue eyes, long lashes, and wavy hair, of a young man I knew as a child. Watching the show is like time travel. But watching it every day feels like a bit much.
Today, I wanted something different, and for some reason, the Netflix original Queer Eye Season Two caught my eye. I never watched Season One. I didn’t watch the original version, either. I didn’t even really know what it was about.
When the show opened to the strains of “Amazing Grace,” my interest was piqued, but I was also pretty cautious. What point was the show trying to make? Where were they going with this?
For years, I got my hair cut at Walmart. I was too cheap to pay anyone more than $20 (with tax and tip) for a cut. Between small kids and my inability to justify self-care to myself, I didn’t get my hair trimmed often enough. When I did make the trip, it was typically an act of desperation.
When you don’t pay for a good haircut, you don’t get a good haircut. I would walk away with something that was only a shadow of what I really wanted – I went hoping for something low maintenance, fun, a little edgy. And finally, I got sick of going to the hairdresser only to come home feeling frustrated by the results.
So I started using our buzzer to cut my own hair.
The TLDR? Don’t take your journey when you’re stressed or in crisis.
When I heard about the Enneagram from a friend, I liked the idea right away. Like many people, I suspect, I like taking quizzes that tell me more about who I am. Even better if there are details, things I can really resonate with, and in this case, a compassionate narrative to walk alongside as you (re)discover your strengths and weaknesses.
One of the things we did at our marriage intensive was learn the Care Cycle. The idea is, you are in charge of you. When you are feeling upset, triggered, or stressed, you should do a little self care before looking to others for help.
I took the diagram they made for us and made a simple printable with a blank spot for adding personalized info to the “care package” section – those are the actions you can take to feel better. 
I made them for all the people in our family who are potentially aware enough to use it, although we haven’t finished filling everyone’s out yet.
I find that small kids meet their own needs pretty well. 
