So, remember when I expressed fear that my recent visits to the naturopath would result in me having to give up every food I love?

We made it through that initial appointment and the recommendations were pretty reasonable. I didn’t follow them completely, but I added pumpkin seeds to my diet and discovered I really liked them.

Then, I did a blood test to check for food sensitivities. I had a sense of what the test results meant before I headed back to the naturopath. She confirmed what I’d feared: dairy, wheat, oats, and garlic (as well as a few other foods I don’t care about) are causing my body to respond with high levels of inflammation.

I asked a lot of questions and didn’t freak out right away. The naturopath recommended focusing not on what I couldn’t eat, but what I could.

My first trip to the store after the news, I quickly discovered that many, many products substitute oats for wheat. Foods which are safe from one off-limits food often contain another food on the No List.

I would like to be chill about this, but I have to give up chocolate cookies and macaroni and cheese, at least in the short term, and maybe forever. Or pay a lot more money for a “safe” food that doesn’t taste the same.

I cried more than once in the days after I received the news. I bought corn tortillas to replace my flour tortillas for veggie wraps, my best bet for consuming veg since I have texture issues. I discovered that corn tortillas disintegrate under pressure.

I got a bag of gluten-free cookies that didn’t contain oats only to find the delicious cookies were full of dairy products.

I’m pretty good for two meals a day. But three meals plus snacks is more of a challenge. I know in a few months, I’ll have a better sense of what I’m doing and what my options are, but right now, it just feels like I have to give up my favorite foods, to be replaced by only items from the produce section. It’s too in my face for me to be thinking about potential benefits.

I feel the need to add here that a brief internet search says the food sensitivity blood test I had done is an unproven method of diagnosis. In fact, for once, the internet is pretty conclusive on this point. You eat foods, your body makes antibodies, and the results haven’t been proven to actually mean anything.

I’m faced with two facts: The test I took might be (probably is?) bunk, but also, I feel terrible a lot of the time, and modern medicine has not helped. So I’m left trusting a weird science-adjacent thing to solve my problems in the absence of other options.

The naturopath encouraged me not to make the change until I got back from our recent trip to Rwanda. Ironically, the food in Rwanda made it easier to stay away from the stuff I’m not supposed to eat. We had rice and vegetables in different forms, with beans, eggs, or ugali (a meal base made from cornmeal) every day. With different seasoning and different vegetables, it never felt like we were eating the same thing. It was easy to make good choices. I wasn’t preparing the food, which made the good choices even less of a barrier.

Starting with the plane ride home, I was surrounded by fluffy carbs, butter, and pasta. At home, it was more of the same, but with the addition of having to prepare any food I wanted to eat. It was like starting all over again. The first post-vacation grocery run brought fresh bagels back into the house. I told myself I would start the diet at the beginning of the new week, because that conveniently meant I could have one of the bagels.

I’m angry that I’m grieving about food. I can’t comfort myself with my favorite Feeling Foods. I’ve been making the same pizza dough since I was 11 and have it down to an art form of perfection. Now if I want to eat it, I have to find a substitute for mozzarella (?!), and use an expensive flour substitute which will probably change the results. I’m already frustrated thinking about how long I’ll have to be committed to the changes before I’ll notice if it’s helping. IF it helps at all.

This trial is one of privilege, which maybe makes me more mad. This is a choice, and I’m choosing it. I could keep eating the mac and cheese, pizza, and cookies. But if this means I don’t have to feel like crap anymore, it’s probably worth it.

Probably.

If you’ve made a major life change for health reasons and it was worth it, please leave a comment and let me hear about it. I also want to know about any tasty, affordable sources of dairy-free, gluten-free chocolate foods. 

The bird above, a village weaver, was at Akagera National Park in Rwanda. I was able to watch while it was working on building a nest. I appreciate that it’s a little rough around the edges because that’s how I feel a lot of the time, too. We flustered parents need to stick together.