I wanted to write a sweet memory post about this little dude today, on the day he turns four.

It was hard to get in the mood for this type of nostalgic, reflective writing. Honesty, I’m still not in the mood. We’re all in a bad way today. School burnout. Woke up on the wrong side of the bed, everyone.

The kids keep reminding the baby of all the things he SHOULD get on his birthday, like special food and presents, when no presents have been bought (because he’s four, doesn’t need anything, and but for the reminders from others, really wouldn’t care), and the cake hasn’t been made yet.

I’ve always had four in my head as the age my youngest would be when life would free up a little. Yet I got whatever freedom I thought I would have by this age months ago – he has long been daytime potty trained, and hasn’t used a stroller in ages. He’s cuddly, low key, and extremely patient, which has made him an easy kid at every age.

I hadn’t planned out what the next signpost would be after the baby turned four. This was as far as I planned out. I don’t know how old certain kids would need to be for our dynamic to change again.

So here we are.

This is a guy who will ask for what he needs, wait patiently, and ask again, for as long as necessary until someone responds. He rarely gets worked up about it, and if he does raise his voice, he’s quickly placated by a response, even if the response is “Just a minute!”

He adds syllables to words in his husky little boy voice, like “cayunt” for “can’t” and “way-yer” for “where.” And in a rare moment of frustration, “Dad-UH” and “Mom-UH.” He lives in pajamas. I’ve repaired many holes in pajama pant/leggings that were worn through in outdoor play. Temperature doesn’t seem to bother him; he frequently wears pants and long sleeves on days when the rest of us are in sleeveless shirts.

This little guy has been incredibly articulate since he was very small. He frequently uses full sentences where one or two words would suffice, but he isn’t a big talker. He just communicates very clearly when given the chance.

He often sings or dances when he doesn’t think anyone is looking, but clams up as soon as he senses eyes are on him. He isn’t in a hurry. He likes to be with his siblings and doesn’t usually have a problem with whatever affection he receives from them, whether it’s wrestling, tickling, or hugging. He will attack his next older brother – that’s the only person he gets into physical altercations with, and when they get into it, he hits HARD. He’s a little afraid and a little awed by his oldest bro, who can swing him up close to the ceiling or trap him in the hallway with ease, which is both terrifying and thrilling.

At the end of each day, he is the easiest guy to put to bed. He still willingly sleeps in a pack-n-play with a mesh enclosure that zips closed, which I will let him use until it threatens to stunt his growth. He does most of the bedtime routine himself with a little coaching (on really tired nights he gets ready without prompts, and climbs into bed to await a tuck-in.)

He demands that I pull up his blankets (just the right number), and sing a hymn my parents sang to me and my sibs at bedtime when we were kids. He knows the words, and every night, except when he is too exhausted or overwrought, he sings with me, mumbling through the bits of the old song where the English is a little more complex than what we speak now.

My littlest person turning four – while still seeming so small and vulnerable – is a strange feeling. I’m sure another goal or stage will make itself known, but for now we are all here in a strange place past the last goal I had set for myself. Just get the baby to four. You’ll have more time for your hobbies, the kids will be more independent. Maybe.

Maybe not. Either way, Happy Birthday, Scuba Dooba. You have already asked me to stop calling you that. I’ll just use it a little while longer.

This laid back kid gets uncharacteristically upset when anyone tries to take his photo. He let me take a few photos because it’s his birthday, but ended the session quickly.