I went to the grocery store for the first time since we got back from vacation today.

Normally, I shop like it’s Armageddon. We have a household of nine and it stinks to run out of stuff. As usual in the weeks leading up to our trip, I let our pantry supplies dwindle to leave less that might go to waste or be nibbled on by mice while we were away.

The second week of our trip, we watched the news as things slowly ramped up. When we arrived in JFK just a little over a week ago, the airport was deserted.

By the time we got home and the Chaplain did a grocery run, we picked up a few things here and there as we slowly got a list together for a bigger grocery run and reoriented to life in the Northeast again.

We ran out of pasta and toilet paper around the same time the grocery stores did.

Within 24 hours, most of my self care routine was cancelled: dance class, book club, chorale.

The Chaplain found some industrial toilet paper rolls for sale outside a mattress store, so we’ll be OK for now. I picked through what was left in the pasta aisle and came home with some bags of egg noodles.

We’ve been joking about a pandemic for years at work. I think it’s common knowledge in healthcare that this was coming at some point.

I’m not worried for me or my family – we’re all healthy and don’t have underlying conditions. Luckily for my friend Anxiety, there are plenty of other things about this situation that I can worry about.

Before I went to the store, I’d only had my own mind to keep me company, in addition to stir crazy kids and breaking news reports. Pulling up at the store and seeing the parking lot full in the center with cars parked strategically around the edges, every other one, made my stomach twist a little. A woman smiled at me as she got out of her car a few spaces away from where I had just pulled in.

In the store, as always, I don’t like to talk to people or even be near them. I’m with people all the time, so the shopping run is ideally a solitary affair. I often will wait near a display till the people in front of it move on so I can grab what I need in peace. Today was no different – except the other people I was shopping with wanted the same thing I did. If I paused on my way toward them, waiting for them to move, they instinctively did.

In between the two stops I made, I listened to Governor Cuomo offer sane and helpful information on the radio. By the time I got home, I had a car full of food, some of it weird stuff I wouldn’t normally buy, and most of it, staples we use all the time.

My kids have asked me more than once, Has anything like this ever happened before?

It has me thinking about self care in a world where the places we go to take care of ourselves are closed. And our homes may be full of bored kids who want to spend all their time in the kitchen eating in shifts for maximum mess (maybe that’s just my house.)

We can’t always get that reassuring in-person interaction we rely on to remind us that as weird as the world is sometimes, we are all still OK. (For me today, it was that woman who smiled in the parking lot).

The good news is, we have a house full of library books we are not allowed to return, which means books I might’ve had to return without reading now have a second chance.

The weather, though muddy and chilly today, promises to get better.

I have a pile of fabric and an even bigger pile of ideas.

Spotify and Pandora still work, even though the internet and cell service has been a little flickery this week.

I might need to add back in my evening meditation. One of my dance teachers is having a live video chat Zumba class tonight that I plan to tune in for. (Maybe the kids can join and burn off some excess energy?)

All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well. – Julian of Norwich

Be creative with your self care, friends. And as I’ve been reminding the ruffians who live with me,

BE KIND, ONE TO ANOTHER. Ephesians 4:32 (If you rap it, it’s very catchy.)