I started several times to write about Searching for Sunday: Loving, Leaving, and Finding the Church, by Rachel Held Evans. I believe it belongs in its own post, even though I’ve already mentioned it in several other posts in passing.

But while I kept starting the post, I couldn’t get past the first few lines.

I hate to think of myself as a people pleaser.

I’ve intentionally set my life up on the fringe. I have a ton of kids who are homeschooled, I keep my crown of glory super short, and I talk openly, at least on the blog, about stuff that makes a lot of people uncomfortable. But that is precisely what freaks me out: Not Fitting In, and Upsetting people I care about by Being Honest. I do both regularly, so you would think it doesn’t bother me, but oh, it does.

Which is why I kept getting hung up on this book. I spent a fair amount of time this year working on spirituality in my life. This took many forms, including adopting practices that brought me closer to God, changing the way I understand God (which has been a lifelong endeavor), understanding God’s word in a new way, and coming to peace with the faith of my upbringing.

That’s what this book is about. I read it in the Cayman Islands, and it was the perfect vacation read because it was like sitting down with a friend in a quirky coffee shop, sipping chai latte, and talking for hours.

Evans isn’t just any friend. She’s the one who gets you, the one who isn’t afraid to be honest.

Like me, Rachel Held Evans was a seeker. Also, a faith wrestler. I can identify on both counts. I remember reading something  – I think it was Benjamin Franklin – once said about being a lifelong learner, and I felt deep relief that I had “permission” to continue to learn my entire life.Inspired deals specifically with Evans’ relationship with scripture, and this book is about her relationship with the church.

I’ve started a bunch of thought threads and I want to braid them together, but because this kind of thing stresses me out, I’m struggling. Really, instead of owning my own self and being a big girl, I’m sitting here on my bed tapping away on my laptop worrying that I’ll hurt my family of origin’s feelings with the way I’ve been talking about Evangelicalism.

See? I can’t even say “MY MOM.” 

Are you the same? You were raised in the church, and parts of it aren’t working for you? Maybe you don’t go to church at all anymore, or you go out of obligation, but you just aren’t feeling it? Perhaps some things your spirit is telling you are true are the exact opposite of the truths you hear at church?

If you are a seeker, someone who isn’t easily satisfied, who keeps looking for something better than the broken churches we have to choose from here on earth, read this book.

If you have kids who have rejected the faith of their childhood, who have to be guilted into coming to church with you or don’t come at all, read this book.

I believe God’s spirit was on Evans when she wrote, and she speaks a truth we need to hear.

She doesn’t just state opinions, either, she backs up her ideas with theology, which you can find both in the book, and on her blog. But while she does support her claims, this book was less about proving anything and more about searching.

Evans isn’t trying to convince people who can’t or don’t want to be convinced. She’s just saying, hey, some of us who grew up in the Evangelical church are trying to swallow a bitter pill right now, and here is why.

It’s such a good book, fierce but gentle, and well written. Evans is one of those people, like Rich Mullins, Mr. Rogers, and several others I can’t remember right now, whom I look forward to chilling with when I get to heaven.