My third read by Richard Rohr was Falling Upward: A Spirituality for the Two Halves of Life. It came to me at around the same time as Rowing Upstream, by Mary Pipher, and as they both dealt with aging, I wanted to combine them into one post.

What did they have to offer?

Falling Upward is a guidebook for midlife spiritual maturation. It was the most difficult book I have read of Rohr’s so far (Breathing Underwater and The Naked Now are the other two I’ve read). This is partly because while this is a guidebook and an encouragement, the nature of this journey is that no one can actually tell you how to do it.

We are the clumsy stewards of our own souls – Richard Rohr

There were many times when Rohr described circumstances that resonated with me, and I identified myself as still being in the fray rather than on the other side of it. There is also the frustration (but more and more, also the acceptance) of knowing we humans often have to hit bottom before we are willing to admit that the way we were doing things isn’t working for us.

…spiritually speaking, there are no dead ends. – Richard Rohr

Like in his other books, Rohr tackles dualistic thought, showing its limitations and presenting a new way of thinking. He describes the importance of elders in our lives who can effectively reflect the truth and show us the way, with nondual thinking being a big part of that way. Rohr illuminates the limitations and necessity of institutions and the role they play in each half of our lives.

While I found the reading slow compared to Rohr’s other work, the book was full of wisdom. While it didn’t offer a formula for how to Get it Right, it did present plenty of encouraging food for thought.

“Jesus’ story of the two sons, one who said all the right words, but never acted on these words, and the other who said the wrong words, but in fact “went to work in the vineyard.” Jesus said that the person who finally acts and engages “does the Father’s will,” even if he is a tax collector or she a prostitute and does not have the right “belief system” (Matthew 21:28–32).” – Richard Rohr

Some of the concepts in the book reminded me of Emotionally Healthy Spirituality, but Falling Upward offers perhaps the next chapter of content for this path.

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I stayed away from Rowing Upstream for weeks. My first mistake was starting with the introduction. (My hot tip for nonfiction reading is to start with Chapter 1. I have never read an introduction that I couldn’t live without. Unfortunately, I start most books with the introduction before I remember it’s best to skip it). When I got wise and started on Chapter 1 instead, I was reminded that the book is about getting old. I freaked out a little.

Facing midlife is one thing. I’m DOING that. Getting old is another. I still mostly feel beautiful and strong. Rowing Upstream is about a time in your life when you have to accept that others no longer find you beautiful, and you discover you’re no longer strong. Also, your friends are dying, you may have problematic relationships with adult children or be custodians of your grands, and your own health may be failing.

It’s a lot to think about, and I tread gingerly in. The beginning of the book talks a lot about the downsides of aging, but if you can hang on through that first section, the next two sections offer encouragement and advice for the road.

As I kept reading, though, the book got better and better. Pipher rolls out a compelling path forward into aging, where we can access the bliss that is so elusive to us when we’re younger. Already, I have felt this shift in my own life – it is much, much easier to slow down and be eclipsed by awe and wonder than it was just a few years ago. Part of this I would attribute to personal growth, but I think it was primarily catalyzed by my trip.

Using anecdotes from women she interviewed, Pipher illustrates her points with stories, circling back throughout the book to women she introduced the reader to earlier. I appreciated that the women she interviewed were very different from one another, yet she was able to pull common threads from their stories. While there were times when I couldn’t remember the story arc of a particular woman, the author usually provided enough information for me to piece it together as I went along.

We can have both the courage to accept our suffering and the skills to move beyond it. We can pardon ourselves and all those around us. – Mary Pipher

While Rohr offers signposts for the journey and encouragement, Pipher’s book was more specific. While Pipher is nonreligious, her book is as much about spiritual growth as Rohr’s is. The second section of her book was the practical toolbox of skills I look for in a nonfiction. The third section provides insight into our relationships and roles, giving specific ideas about how to thrive in relationship and appropriately and helpfully relate to others in our lives.

As a mom of seven, it is not lost on me that I will probably be the mother-in-law and grandmother to a fair number of human beings. I know in order for me to do that gracefully, I’m going to need to continue to grow. Women Rowing North offered excellent advice in that regard. The sections where Pipher touched on relationships with adult children informed both my own relationship with my parents, as well as the way I want to relate to my kids when they are adults. I also appreciated her “Co-Captains” chapter, about successful long-term marriage.

Research tells us that the people who stay married are not those with the most perfect relationships, but rather, those who decide they are committed and stick with that decision. – Mary Pipher

When Pipher talked about herself and her own challenges, I identified deeply with her. We have very similar personalities and tendencies. I appreciated her honesty throughout the book, and felt she did the women whose stories she shared justice in the telling.

Both Women Rowing North and Falling Upward provide a unique perspective. I enjoyed reading Pipher’s book more, but I got a lot out of both reads.