Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. James 1:22

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. Ephesians 2:8-9

Ah. Christians and the tension we exist in, between these two verses.

Catholics and Protestants both have been guilty (pun intended) of trying to earn grace. We do the things we do because we want to draw closer to God. But there can also be a sense that those are the things we’re supposed to do, and so we act partly out of a sense of obligation, a not-completely-pure heart. Sometimes this is hard to admit. If we are willing to admit it, we aren’t always sure what to do about it.

Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed–not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence–continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling. Philippians 2:12

With our finite human minds, it just isn’t possible to think about an angry, jealous God and a loving one simultaneously most of the time. Our human parents, even (especially?) those who are working out their own salvation as they parent us, can further confuse our ideas about what God, our Divine Parent, is to us.

So where does that leave us?

He must increase, but I must decrease. John 3:30

If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. John 15:7

I think scripture memorization and study are pretty typical answers to how we allow God’s Word to abide in us. But how do we abide in God? How do we decrease so God can increase?

As humans, silence in the presence of God can be intimidating, even threatening. Before I started meditating, letting even a few moments pass in my devotional time with God where I wasn’t the active participant, “the speaker” – thinking, praying, reading, writing – produced a ton of anxiety.

I feared judgement. I feared hearing a message from God that wasn’t what I wanted. The Bible tells us that if what we want is within the will of God, it will be granted to us. That can start to feel a little mixed up when we think we know the “best” way for something to happen, but aren’t sure God would agree. Or if we want something that we hope is within God’s will for us, but aren’t 100% sure we’re allowed to have our cake and eat it, too. How much are we expected to give up in the name of sacrifice? How much are we allowed to enjoy life on earth while we’re here?

Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you. James 4:8a

As my meditation practice gathered speed early on, I kept wanting to categorize it in a way that fit with my other faith practices. I wanted to make sure it “counted” as a practice that was drawing me closer to God. And for it to count, I had to be actively doing something to make it count. (Sounds like the opposite of grace, right?)

I tried a couple of different things – intermittent prayer during the meditation, beginning the meditation with a prayerful intention, reading the verse of the day on my Bible app beforehand with the idea that I could meditate on the verse.

Since each of those things required me to think about something while I was meditating, they tended to take away from the meditation.

I finally figured out that for me, meditation has been the way I dwell in God’s bosom and rest in God’s grace. I’m not doing anything. Thoughts come, often anxious thoughts, and I let them go, and I stay where I am, in stillness.

I have active practices, too. Meditation is my quiet, still practice where I allow myself to be filled without taking action.

Think about the kids in your life: your kids, the nieces and nephews, your godson or daughter. How many times they’ve jumped up and down in front of you to share a story, song, or performance. How whenever you can, you respond positively to their efforts to entertain and share with you.

Think about how you feel in those rare, quiet moments when one of those same kids climbs up next to you without a word and just snuggles in under your arm. They aren’t asking for a story or wanting to talk. They just want to be with you.

I wonder how often God watches us running frantically around on earth with all our doing and just wants us to stop long enough to hear the call to rest in God’s presence.

I understand meditation may not be the right fit for everyone. But I would encourage you to look inward and see if there are ways you could slow down a bit to let God really flow through your being – not necessarily to communicate anything, receive wisdom, or even be seen by God – but just to rest at the feet of the One who loves you.