Halloween and I have a difficult past. I lived next door to a church growing up. We were regularly subjected to smashed pumpkins, raw eggs, and sometimes toilet paper.

The year I was seven was the last year I was allowed to Trick or Treat. After that, we didn’t “celebrate” Halloween anymore. We would close all our blinds and hunker down that night. We watched old musicals and ate candy. It became a tradition, and two other families joined us. We’d rotate houses, eventually ending up at the house of the family who lived furthest out in the country, and therefore got the fewest Trick-or-Treaters.

I grew up and had kids. I didn’t think much about Halloween, and my kids were too little to care.

Except One was in Pre-K at a Catholic school. And they did all kinds of seasonal activities. At the time, I was kind of shocked. Why were Christians celebrating Halloween? By then, I thought we didn’t. Among Evangelicals, it had kind of become a thing.

My kid learned what vampires were from that school, and I was pissed. I remember having an uncomfortable conversation with his teacher about it.

We started our own tradition of take-out pizza by candlelight on Halloween. I would watch the Trick-or-Treaters go by. There were lights on up and down the block. It was the only night most of our neighbors came out and talked to each other. I found myself wondering why we were staying out of it.

Then, I would see an older kid with a grotesque mask, or someone would smash or steal one of the pumpkins we’d left on our stoop, and I would remember. Halloween is a day that celebrates evil; that’s why we don’t participate.

Some years, we’d go to a sort of anti-Halloween party at a local Protestant church down the street, but this year, they didn’t publicize the event, and I kind of felt like we weren’t invited.

It was a rough afternoon. The kids were antsy. They knew we weren’t celebrating, but they were expecting something. The weather was unseasonably warm, with an inviting wind blowing.

I suggested we go on a walk, with a stop to buy some candy. By then, I’d had the thought that we’d try handing out candy this year.  As we left the house, we met a swarm of neighbor kids and some adults handing out candy at houses nearby. Some of my kids were dressed up because they felt like it – we’d done a little Pirates of the Caribbean eyeliner and some bandanas, nothing fancy – but they collected candy at a couple of the neighbor’s houses along the way. One of my kids ended up with bag for collecting treats that someone had given them.

When we got to the store, we filled a bag with candy, then headed home. At home, I set them up out front with a bowl. I replaced our burned-out light bulb on the front stoop, and put some soca music on. The big girls put on some hastily designed costumes and I put some make up on them, big and bold swipes of color.

My kids had the time of their life.By the time bedtime rolled around, they had given out all but the scraps. In their enthusiasm, they even added the candy they’d collected for themselves earlier in the evening to the bowl to make it last longer.

Five, adorable with her smudged eyeliner and curls peeking out of her bandana, enthusiastically proclaimed the cuteness of every other little girl who came up our front steps.

As I tucked the kids in tonight, someone said it was the best day ever.

I still feel pretty ambivalent about Halloween. But it felt so good to be part of our community, and to just give. The kids enjoyed handing out candy more than they liked collecting it.

It was a lesson in community engagement and generosity. And I’ve never been one to shy away from an opportunity to do a little cosplay, even if it’s just vicariously through the kids.

We’ll see what next year brings – maybe we’ll plan ahead this time. But tonight’s spontaneous fun was the best kind – low stress. And better yet, I had a few moments of peace, gently supervising the candy distribution from the living room while the kids provided the face of the operation.

The photo above: Four and Five studying a map from a book we have about pirates. I did not stage it.