It was supposed to be a relaxing night of hanging out with the Chaplain. We’ve kept up with our evening walks. But after doing our four-mile route, I wasn’t settling down. We watched a show together. We ate ice cream. It got late.

We picked up our books, and began to read a few pages. I was still restless.

Then I read something in my book that caught my attention. I felt a flash of conviction. It was accompanied by a sinking feeling I get when I know what the Holy Spirit wants from me next, and I know I don’t want to do it.

Does this happen to you? You know what you’re supposed to do, and you don’t want to do it, so you pray?

I abruptly got out of bed and knelt at the foot of our bed in prayer. That isn’t usual behavior for me; the Chaplain noticed.

I prayed silently. I poured out all my frustration from the day, confessed the thing that was on my heart, asked for forgiveness, and begged God for some kind of breakthrough.

When I was finished praying, I still knew deep down that the Spirit was telling me to confess to the Chaplain.

I really, really didn’t want to.

We’ve already spent so much time lately struggling, discussing, fighting.

I was 100% sure doing it would completely kill the mood.

I was 80% sure it would start a fight.

I was also 100% sure it was what I was supposed to do.

I got up and climbed back into bed. We put our books away and turned out the lights.

I was panicking. But I knew I had to do it.

I talked to the Chaplain.

We didn’t fight. It killed the mood a little. It also led to a breakthrough.

The breakthrough I was praying for came because I obeyed when I got the nudge.

And I was sure the results would be disastrous.

We call some people Big Picture People. And some people are Details People. But none of us really see the Big Picture OR the Details the way God can. He knows exactly how the cloth is woven.

Yet if we ask for help and He offers it, sometimes the answer he gives us seems totally wrong. Trust isn’t always our first response.

I can still feel the weight of last night’s transaction.

A nudge. A push back from me. A continued nudge.

Can we be present, in our immaturity and imperfection, and let him nudge us? Without getting defensive? And then just do what He wants?

I’m still learning how to do that. The nudges I get don’t always feel as obvious as the one I received last night. And sometimes, I fear I’m not even paying attention when I’m being nudged. The other noise in my life seems too loud to hear or feel a quiet, subtle knock.

I closely guard my vulnerability, even with the Chaplain. I was challenged last night to let some of that go and allow myself to be seen. In absence of the bigger picture, I did it. I took heed of the nudge, and I don’t regret it.

For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

1 Corinthians 13:12

Speaking of mirrors, the above photo was taken at Mirror Lake, in Oregon. On a clear day, the lake reflects the image of Mt. Hood. Tellingly, both times I’ve hiked it, the mountain was hidden in a sheath of fog.