For years, I got my hair cut at Walmart. I was too cheap to pay anyone more than $20 (with tax and tip) for a cut. Between small kids and my inability to justify self-care to myself, I didn’t get my hair trimmed often enough. When I did make the trip, it was typically an act of desperation.

When you don’t pay for a good haircut, you don’t get a good haircut. I would walk away with something that was only a shadow of what I really wanted – I went hoping for something low maintenance, fun, a little edgy. And finally, I got sick of going to the hairdresser only to come home feeling frustrated by the results.

So I started using our buzzer to cut my own hair. The idea started when my Walmart hairdresser mentioned she was using a #4 clipper attachment to cut the back of my hair. It was one of the things she had gotten right.

After that, I was sure to tell future hairdressers about the #4 clipper. They always doubted me about how short I was willing to go.

Then I realized, if I knew how short I wanted it, I could do it myself.

I’m still perfecting getting around my ears and doing my neckline, but one can get by remarkably well with a mirror. And short hair is pretty forgiving; it grows back fast.

Now, once every month or two, I trim my hair, scissors for the top, and an unforgiving #4 for the back and sides, scissors around my ears, straight up clipper for my neck.

I get what I want, and it’s free.

It’s a good stress reliever.

This week is our second week of summer vacation. The first week was characterized by the kids’ continuous eating, constant fighting, three cases of pink eye, and a broken window.

I am hoping for better results this week. The kids actually did very well today. They helped in the morning, and they helped a little in the afternoon. That’s all I really wanted. The fighting still happened, but it wasn’t continuous. Same with the eating.

What made today tough was living with myself. I had a lesson to learn, and God dragged my unwilling ego through a long, drawn-out fight today to teach it to me.

It will probably take a few more lessons, but I think I’m starting to get the point.

By afternoon, while things were so much better with the kids, I was sick of being with ME, and wanted some stress relief. So I got out the buzzer and decided to “even out” the haircut I’d given myself a few days before. This isn’t usually necessary. But it was hot today, and cutting hair on hot days is super appealing. And it WAS a little uneven.

A fight started in the next room as I was passing the buzzer in what was supposed to be a straight line. I veered into the hair I didn’t intend to cut as the screaming came to a crescendo and mowed down a swath that was not intended for the buzzer.

It’ll grow back. But it kind of took away from the stress relief aspect of the trim.

I like to over-correct in instances like this, and so on my way home from the chiropractor today (I’ve been going every week! Winning), I stopped at the drug store and finally got the hair dye I’ve been contemplating for months now. I did go the sissy route and got temporary dye that should last less than a couple of weeks. In my defense, it’s a bold color and I haven’t dyed my hair since high school.

Hopefully, it will help me live with my hair for the next little while until I get over the section that I accidentally buzzed off.

And despite my miss-steps, I still stand by my DIY hair cutting. For every lesson God has journeyed with me through, there is the buzzer, ready to help take the edge off. And sometimes, a little more than the edge. Which is sort of symbolic for what needs to happen to my ego.

If you saw the pic above and thought, why did she take that photo in a wasteland? Well, I was behind the shed in our yard, surrounded by detritus, because a. the light is better outside, and b. I was embarrassed for anyone to see me taking a selfie, because I am that old.