I have what they call a Large Family. In fact, as one of my sister-in-law’s friends put it, “That squad is deep.” I don’t know if it was meant as a compliment, but I like it. We have a Deep Squad.

Sometimes we get a super warm welcome.

Our kids are generally well behaved. They are smart, and interesting. Yep, they totally have their bad days, and when they are excited and confined to a small space, even I don’t want to be with them.

When we were in Tobago, one of the parents who has a toddler at my mother-in-law’s childcare center met our oldest daughter. I wasn’t there, so I’m not sure exactly how it went down, but I’m pretty certain my girl confidently gave him a run down of his daughter’s day. He was surprised to find out she is homeschooled. He thought homeschooled kids were antisocial. As he was loading his daughter into the car that afternoon, we crossed paths. He is now an enthusiastic homeschool advocate as a result of his interactions with my girl. She has that effect on people.

After our flight to Trinidad, a sweet young woman came over to me as we were getting off the plane, and said as she passed me, “Yuh make me want to have like fifty of them. Yuh make me want to start tomorrow.”

A warm-eyed ground crew member approached me after our flight back to into Trinidad on the way home and told me we have a beautiful family.

I try to remember those moments and not the ones where it feels like people are actively separating us for poor treatment because of who we are.

What gets me is I don’t always know why people have a problem with us. There are so many things it could be. Is it because we are a Deep Squad? Is it because we are biracial? Is it because we are homeschoolers? Christians? Catholics?

That’s a sticky one. It’s especially hard because other Christians discriminate against Catholics, many times because they misunderstand Catholicism.

It doesn’t help that there is some weirdness about Catholicism that even I don’t agree with. Just like there are things about the Evangelical tradition I grew up with that I don’t fully embrace. You overlook things that don’t work exactly for you because Faith is about God, and you and God, not just you.

And I never want to assume someone is discriminating for any of these reasons. Who wants to be right about that? Even worse, who wants to be wrong?

It’s officially not cool to discriminate these days. If the potential victim is a different race, gender, or sexual identity than we are, it’s especially bad.

Somehow, if the person is different because they choose a way of life that makes people uncomfortable for different reasons – maybe a big family who homeschools, a family where the parents hold traditional roles? Now, that smacks of overprotective parenting, poor family planning, and paternalism. It’s ok to let those folks know you don’t agree with how they live.

I am not saying racism isn’t a part of this discussion, but that is another post. In my neck of the woods, many people consider themselves more accepting and highly evolved than to stoop to racism – at least consciously – but they don’t hold themselves to the same standards of nonjudgmental acceptance when it comes to other areas of people’s lives.

I’m not sure what the answer is. I DO wish that people who fancy themselves woke would apply their same standards of acceptance to our family as they do to people who occupy other spheres of race and sex in a more “acceptable” way than we do. A heterosexual couple with seven kids may not be “in,” but we don’t need to be reminded of that. You live your life, and I will live mine.